If you don’t follow me on twitter, screw you, also here’s some highlights from the last 4 weeks.

• 4:20 am should be the 420 that meth addicts giggle about.
• Sometimes I tell websites I “forgot” my password, it’s just nice to get an email every once and awhile.
• 4 hours into a Bonanza marathon. I’m beginning to think these Cartwrights don’t know how to shoot Indians.
• If the rapture happens Saturday I’ll eat my hat. But only because a demon will be forcing me to eat all my clothes.
• I wouldn’t cheat on Maria Shriver. I’d be too worried she’d stab me with her face.
• Before I start a book I always skip ahead and read page 22 just in case I die before I get bored and quit reading it.
• There are two sinks in my bathroom. Natalie says they’re “his and hers”, but I think it’s a sad reminder of segregation.
• That chicken I had for dinner was pretty dry, I’m just now getting some of his jokes.
• I’ve gotten really good at going to the bathroom. In the last hour I’ve gone from number two to number one!
• My grandfather was bad to the bone, by which I mean he died of leukemia.
• If animals could talk the world would be a magical place, also those Narnia books wouldn’t be so popular.
• I don’t approve of palm reading, I prefer them dumb and slutty.

twitter.com/apreacher