You can follow me @apreacher or you can follow me home from work, see where I live, maybe wait for me to take out the trash and root through my dumpster for clues into what really makes me tick. The choice is yours!

• I blew it with the suicide hotline girl. Told her I was afraid I was going to commit suicide, she called me a commitment-phobe and hung up.
• Kinda bummed, just found out all my Facebook friends were only liking my status updates ironically.
• My urologist switched me to a pay as you go plan.
• I knew a dyslexic judge who would sentence criminals to life after death.
• “Orange is the new black.” -Guy Trying to Sell an Ugly Dress or Expired Fruit
• If there were any justice in this world, laundry hampers would be called laundry facilitators.
• Cuckoo clocks are great if you like fake birds in moderation.